(TW: discussion of death and mental health, mention of suicide)

To read the 100% review, click here.

One of the things I’m committed to on this blog is ensuring that the k-pop idols who have passed on—especially those that have taken their own lives—are remembered; hence, the “special reviews” page. The official report stated that he “experienced cardiac arrest”, which only means that his heart stopped beating, and doesn’t point towards what he actually died from, which could have been anything from an undiagnosed genetic condition to suicide. And while I could stand here and theorize for five paragraphs, that wouldn’t be very productive, because, really, we’ll never know. But when I was doing Minwoo’s section of the special reviews, it was almost impossible to find any information other people had posted about him. 

And, well, you know what they say, you want something done right, you have to do it yourself. So, here I am, realizing that if I wanted to paint an accurate portrait of Minwoo I would have to do it myself. So, here I am, doing this review, hoping both to find a good song or two and to find out more about a man I don’t know and will never get the chance to meet. If you’re in the same boat as me, come along for the ride! And if you’re a fan, I hope I do him justice.

It was odd; I didn’t realize, until I heard the song Better Day, that I’d forgotten the original reason for my review. But there I was. Minwoo was absent from the last two singles due to military service, and I actually missed hearing his voice with the others. And then it occurred to me that that missing piece won’t be coming back again, which is a tragedy in and of itself. So, I’m writing it down on record that the first thing I discovered about Minwoo is that he had such a powerful voice, the kind of voice it takes decades of hard work to cultivate. As a singer myself, I mourn the loss of the person whose love went into creating it.

Even though I knew it was coming, even though it was the reason that I started writing this review in the first place, when I reached the point in my review where I was only seeing four members on screen and only hearing four voices, it still hit me like a punch to the gut. I can’t claim to “grieve” someone I don’t know, but the empty space felt so painfully palpable all of a sudden.

Remember, 100%’s song for Minwoo, is both beautiful and heartbreaking. The line that cuts to the core most, if one can even choose in a song like this, may be Chanyong‘s “Hyung [older man I’m close to / lit. brother], I should’ve cherished you more, but I don’t have the chance to now.” It’s a sweeping, mournful song that slowly builds to something that’s not quite a crescendo, not quite catharsis, but might just be enough to start healing. Either way, you’re not quite the same after you listen to it. Nor am I, after writing this.

I normally end my reviews with the phrase “I’m glad I did this”, but that didn’t seem appropriate for a post like this. I don’t know how to end, and in a way, I don’t know if I have the right to. Can I say I know Minwoo? Not well enough. I found out he had a cat named Simba, and I absolutely fell in love with it. I searched through the internet and discovered his Instagram and short YouTube clips of him being funny in interviews and in Behind The Scenes content. And I was right; he clearly loved to sing. It practically radiates off of him whenever he gets the chance to stand on stage.
But I still wish I could learn more. I want to know more about this talented man who passed away far too soon. Whether it was by his own hand or natural causes, Minwoo only got to 33, which, despite what your teenage cousin will tell you, is so, so young. There’s no doubt in my mind that he would have gone on to do so much more than he got the chance to, and I would have loved to hear him sing again sometime when I could fully appreciate it. He seemed like a lovely person and I’m sure his bandmates miss him. And for any Perfections out there who miss him too, I’m so sorry. I hope it’s a little easier, and I hope I did him justice. Please, if you have any interesting facts that you think I should know, tell me!